First Evening[]
Crying fills the otherwise quiet forest. Squirrels scurry away and birds chatter in anger before flying away. Part of me wishes I could run after them, playing and laughing like a child should.
But my sister’s sobbing stops me.
Jade’s wailing from hunger, or cold, or pain, or simply because. That’s not the top priority, though. What matters most is getting away from my father. The b**ch. Leaving us in that wretched office for weeks, forgetting or simply not wanting to feed us, hitting me when I cried, and worst, hitting my sister.
My wings are heavy, laden with snow, and my limbs tremble from cold. Blood dots my cracked lips, staining bits of snow red. I hug Jade closer and walk as fast as I can, relying on my sister as not to join her in bawling. It’s hard not to. Every part of me wants to lie down and sleep and be tucked in and hugged and kissed and… loved. But I’ll never have that.
What matters is that Jade will.
She’s stopped crying now and is yawning sleepily. The poor thing’s shaking from cold but is too tired to care. I want to take what little is left of my body heat and give it all to her, but all I can do is hug her closer, wrapping her tighter in the threadbare tweed blanket I found her in.
How long has it been? An hour? Two? I’m too cold and tired and hungry to count. Finally, when it’s too dark to see five feet in front of me, I collapse onto the snowy ground.
I’d originally planned to run away in a couple months, when it was summer and Jade started walking and talking, but we couldn’t hold out that long. And Florian was relentless in being a d**k.
Jade is asleep and has snuggled as closely to me as I can. Attempting not to wake her, I grope around to find a tree hollow that’ll protect us from snow and might prevent hypothermia if I work hard enough. Part of me wants to just hide Jade under a pile of leaves and die out here, but I can’t do that to my sister.
I give up eventually, shaking so hard I trip and fall in the snow, planning to stay there forever and die in my sleep. Not the worst way to go, either. Seriously, compared to spending every day in the hell that is Florian’s office, death sounds pretty great.
Then Jade falls into my lap and begins bawling.
That strengthens my resolve again. Imagining Jade having to fend on her own. If she did survive, which is nearly impossible, how abandoned would she feel? Would Florian find her and…?
I wrap shaking arms around my sister and crawl back into the tree hollow, whispering gibberish and kissing her on the forehead until she finally stops. The combined body heat mixed with the meager shelter the tree provides is almost comfortable.
I kiss Jade once more and settle back, taking in a shaky breath.
First Night[]
The tears come before I realize they’re there. I can’t stop them, but I can’t sob or scream either. I just hold Jade closer and close my eyes, hoping I don’t wake her up.
I don’t remember my dream, but I think it was bad.
First Morning[]
When I open my eyes, I choke out the last of my tears and scrub the marks away. Jade doesn’t need to see me so weak. She’s already stirring, messy and choppy brown hair tickling my nose. I sit in silence for a while, pondering how I can hate my father and love my sister at the same time. Eventually, though, I stop thinking and just sit there, counting her freckles and wondering which one of us has more. Pretending each freckle is a little bit of love for her. I’m unable to count all of hers.
Florian doesn’t have any freckles. Neither does my mother, probably.
I force myself out of the hollow, despite wanting to lie there forever, and trudge forwards. Jade’s still sleeping, somehow, and I find myself attempting to memorize what she looks like exactly. I remember her appearance in perfect detail but have already forgotten what I look like.
I keep walking, relying on counting freckles to keep myself sane.
First Noon[]
Jade is awake now, drooling and babbling over my shoulder. She’s a bit skinny, but nothing too bad. Nothing compared to me, hollow eyes and shrunken stomach and ribs visible through translucent skin. But that doesn’t matter.
I run a hand across her hair, which is tangled beyond belief. I’ll need to fix that.
“Jade, we aren’t home because you’re coming with me to a new home. We’re running away from Florian.”
She doesn’t understand, but it’s good to tell her. The infant rests her head on my cheek, and it’s all I can do not to collapse from sheer adorableness.
“Huh?”
“The mean green fairy that hit you,” I choke out, clearing the anger from my throat before continuing.
“Florian had a vacation house in a cabin north of the forest. He planned to dump me there in a few years. But I read some of his journals and stuff so we could get there early.” The concept that he’d just toss me out like trash and do… whatever he wanted to Jade makes me sick. “So now we’re going over there.”
She seems to understand somehow, and kisses me on the cheek, trying to calm me. Her wide eyes meet mine, innocent and curious and so, so, beautiful.
Unconditional love is real.
First Afternoon[]
Jade shivers from cold as she clutches my shoulder, squeezing it so tight it’s like she wants me to absorb her. We’ve had nothing to eat for the past two days - when we started our escape - except for snow and the goo from a yew berry or two. I made sure she didn’t bite the seed, but I didn’t need to worry - she took one nibble and spat her berry out.
I heft my little sister into my arms, my kiss leaving blood on her forehead.
I edge forwards some more until I physically can’t. Holding Jade, I sit on a pile of moss under a spruce tree, deciding to analyze where we are. The trees are slowly fading into different colors, meaning we’re close to Firefly Forest. The Academy is a few dozen miles away - we’re nearly there.
“Jade,” I whisper, “Jade, get up. We’re almost there!”
She blinks in confusion, stomach growling loudly in response. The sound makes her fall over with laughter, overbalancing herself and struggling to sit back up.
I laugh and help her up, smiling at the sheer gratefulness painted across her face. She needs food, doesn’t she? I only know of one way to get it. It’s not very effective, though. Still, I don’t have anything else.
I stare at the snowy ground in front of me, concentrating. I haven’t gotten much of an opportunity to practice, but…
A cluster of dandelions bursts from the ground. I pick one and pass it to Jade.
She immediately takes a bite of the yellow petals, trusting me completely. Clearly, it tastes bad, but she finishes it and reaches for another one. Instead of eating it, though, she gives it to me.
I kiss her lightly and nibble at the plant. What’s Florian doing right now? Is he yelling and screaming, attempting to find us and capture us, trashing his office and planning to kill us or hurt us? Or has he forgotten that we existed altogether?
One thing isn’t possible, though. I know he isn’t sad.
A hatred, an anger, floods through me as I glance at my little sister, nestled in my arms with her eyes closed. She looks so hungry, so tired, so weak. What would have happened to her if I wasn’t there? Abused, harassed, dead - a million terrifying possibilities crowd in my mind, much too scary for somebody of my age.
I want to charge back to the Academy and kill Florian brutally, along with my mom, the Academy staff, anybody and everybody who has or will hurt my sister.
Part of me knows it’s irrational, it’s cruel, it’s ridiculous, but rage and hatred quell all logic.
Unconditional hatred is real too.
Second Evening[]
Cool water mixes with hot tears as I huddle by a small creek in the middle of nowhere. I’m trying to quell the tears, but they just keep coming, tainting the cool water of the creek with salty heat.
Jade is fast asleep next to me, making me determined to not make a sound. She doesn’t need to see me.
I take another deep breath and force my tears down, but that only makes them pour further.
Why am I even crying?
Second Night[]
It’s dark.
I stopped.
No dreams - I think.
Second Morning[]
Jade is clearly hungry, but she refuses to complain. When her stomach growls, she hugs her arms over it as if to stop the sound.
I hug her tighter. Every time she closes her eyes, a bolt of fear runs through me. What if she never wakes up?
I walk faster.
Second Afternoon[]
Jade squeals with excitement when she sees it first - a tiny wooden house a few yards away. She sits facing forwards in my arms, since it’s more comfortable for her - even if it’s more difficult for me. The infant tugs on my hair eagerly, clearly excited to see shelter. I hoist her up, ignoring the gnawing pain in my stomach.
I rush inside and grow another clump of plants, this time some wild raspberries, which she gobbles up with delight. I take one as well - they’re sweet and tangy, one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. In Florian’s office, all we had was stale bread, some plants covered in dirt, and water. If we were lucky.
My sister yawns sleepily, leaning against me and relaxing. I smile, lay the tweed blanket down, fold it for better cushioning, then tuck her in. “Sweet dreams, Jade.”
Once my sister’s sound asleep, I begin wandering the little cabin, a childish excitement filling me as I look around. I wasn’t expecting it to be so nice. There are walls, a ceiling, a floor, and even some furniture. I spot a counter and a huge black box with dials and circles on its surface, a white closet, and, most strangely, two wooden table-looking things. I approach them, frowning in confusion. They’re very short for tables, have perfectly symmetrical gaps along the surface, and the back part is mounted upwards. It looks like some cross between a table, a chair, and a prison cell. Maybe Florian wanted to lock me inside them? But I don’t see any locks, and why are there two?
I poke one tentatively, then jump back, expecting it to slam on top of me. Nothing happens.
I poke it again. Maybe the thing’s not dangerous after all.
But I shake my head. Everything is dangerous.
Whatever. Jade is safe. She’ll be safe with me. I move back to her and wrap my arms around the snoring infant, momentarily overwhelmed by the rush of emotion that follows.
If love was an object, it would be the sun itself.
Third Evening[]
I’m dreaming. I hate dreaming.
I’m a bird in the sky, and Jade is lying on her blanket far below. She looks up at me and waves. I fly in loops, trying to make her laugh. She does, and I explode into a million feathers. Thinking it’s just a trick, she’s still laughing when I die.
Third Night[]
My eyes fly open as I gasp for air. I’m here. I’m still here. Jade is sleeping right next to me.
I don’t fall asleep again. My eyes will never leave my sister.
Third Morning[]
Jade is crying and crying. What’s making her cry? Panic fills my voice, my senses, flooding my throat and tumbling out in nervous, scared, words.
“Jade? Jade, what’s the matter?”
She babbles something I can’t understand.
“I- I can’t- what’s the matter?”
Her incoherent mumbles are drowned in coughing and coughing, each pained little sound twisting my heart painfully. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… just sleep, just sleep. I know it hurts.”
I wince as I recall the time I’d gotten the flu - crying and crying alone in Florian’s office, feeling like I was sweltering in Bonfire and freezing in Shiverchill at the same time.
I place a hand on Jade’s forehead, pulling away almost instantly. Her skin is dangerously hot, her hair soaked with sweat.
“F**k,” I mutter under my breath. She needs something cool and a bed to sleep in, but I don’t have either.
Actually…
After planting a quick kiss on my sister’s burning cheek, I dash out of the house. There must be a river or something near here - I heard the gurgling and flowing when we first arrived. I don’t have any cloth, but I guess my clothes and some moss will have to do. But what if it doesn’t work? What if I fail and Jade…
Preoccupied by my frantic thoughts, I almost fall into the river.
I quickly right myself, breathing heavily as I attempt to dispel all thoughts of my baby sister dying from my mind. The river is cool but not freezing, perfect for a compress.
I scramble to tear off the sleeves of my shirt and cuffs of my pants, coming up with thirteen ample cloths and a handful of tiny scraps that I force into a lopsided sphere. Then I dunk each one by one into the river, keeping a tight hold on each compress so the current won’t sweep them away. Then I run back into the house, occasionally picking up a spare bit of moss to use later.
The second I’m in the house, I toss every single compress I have onto Jade’s skin. Probably not the best protocol, but I’m too scared and nervous to care. She’s fallen back asleep, brow wrinkled in discomfort.
I let loose a shaky breath before dashing back out, collecting moss and washing it in the river.
Third Noon[]
Everything fades into a blur as I scramble to fix my sister - or maybe it’s just the tears swimming in my eyes.
Third Afternoon[]
I collapse onto the wooden planks, breathing hard. “Jade? Jade, are you okay?” I gasp between pants, lifting her chin up with my freezing, wet hands. “Are you okay?”
Her murmur is almost inaudible, but that’s enough for me. A strangled cry escapes me as I hug her tightly, the heat of her body radiating into mine. I’m crying before I realize it, letting loose the sheer panic that’s been coursing through my body for the past few hours. I hope she doesn’t remember this.
Wiping my eyes, I sit up and watch Jade sleep, trying to make the fever leave her body by sheer force of will. She needs food and water.
I slowly flip through each one in my head. I can gather eggs and grow my own plants. The wild plants aren’t reliable until I can figure out which ones are edible. After a week or so, maybe we can buy some bread or something.
As for the water, I just need a water skin or something. I start to get to my feet, but my legs quiver and I crash onto the ground. I can already feel my body shut down, and I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep, I can’t.
Too late.
Third Evening[]
I wake up screaming, but I didn’t even have a nightmare.
“Jade?”
She’s still lying right next to me.